As I reflect upon my time at Chapel Hill thus far I am conflicted. It has been a journey marked by mixed experiences. Grad school has been a practice in patience, a test of my self advocacy tools, and an education in how to extract useful knowledge from each experience. In the spirit of meeting the requirements of this assignment, I will attempt to focus on the positive experiences which have fostered my development as a practitioner and person. 

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       Part 1: Curriculum Reflection

I am most appreciative of the instances where our course content stepped outside the realm of traditional OT and beyond biomedical. Many programs don’t even make an effort, so I am glad that I was given opportunities for this type of learning at UNC.

• Every class that Ryan taught was full of learning opportunities. His focus on vintage OT (or OG OT) represented a refreshing oasis in a desert of clinical (biomedical) education. Other classes introduced us to occupational profiles, but it was his class that first introduced the individual as a collective of experiences, beliefs, and external/internal factors. I developed a contextually cognizant lens based on what I learned about transactional perspective in occupational science (semester 1). We learned about embodiment, identity, intersectionality, critical reflexivity and many of the philosophical and theoretical underpinnings of OT/OS. We also learned a strategic process for conducting community level work. Although it felt very rushed, we learned how to negotiate the various systemic and interpersonal influences, whilst maintaining occupation at the center of our work. 

• The Theory Assignment (765L): I would not consider this to be a fun or creative project. However, the introduction and examination of the theoretical models for OT was informative and valuable. Now I can use existing models to describe the approaches I take to the therapeutic process. While I don't necessarily align with any one model, framework, or strategy I enjoyed learning the language behind the processes… the method behind the madness. 

• PBL/IBL: 

  1. My last IBL experience coincided with a larger metamorphosis during our last semester. I have recently begun to negotiate a balance between my authentic autistic identity and my professional persona in the workplace. IBL provided the perfect opportunity for me to practice by unmasking and introducing neuroinclusive practices into our IBL group process. 

  2. IBL was one of the most challenging components of our program, it was also where I learned the most. One of the things I am most proud of during my graduate experience is how I put myself in uncomfortable positions of leadership/teamwork during my last semester. 

  3. Last semester, I advocated for and instated neuroinclusive strategies to my groups IBL process. I wanted to ensure that everyone had space to contribute, and felt like they were investing time and effort into topics that were relevant/interesting to them. The group emphatically adopted these strategies, thereby demonstrating the importance of universal accessibility and client centered approaches. 

• The creative projects were successful in my opinion, each one represented opportunities for us (students) to reclaim some agency over our academic experience.

  1. The developmental niche (771): I felt free to speak to my own lived experience as an occupational being. It enjoyed the feeling of exploring my occupational profile through important developmental values/experiences. I discussed my passion for nature and how outdoor activities served an influential role in my social development. Outdoor activities served as a point of connection between myself and others both past and present (linked lives). The assignment allowed me to paint my picture, exploring the meaning behind occupation, the transactional property of contexts, and how occupation can play a foundational role in identity construction. 

  2. Humanities integration project (729): This project was a wonderful opportunity to learn from other disciplines as we analyzed the narrative of an aging adult. Our project dealt with the primary theme of grief. In collaboration with our humanities partner we extrapolated sub themes of spousal bereavement, coping with change by holding on to the familiar, and the healing power of community/human connection. This assignment resonated with me because it depicted the intricacies of individual narrative across the lifecourse. As a self proclaimed “narrative shifter” I relish the small role I can play in affecting the individual life stories of the people I work with, as well as the broader prevailing narratives held by the masses. But before you can shift any narrative, you must first understand it. In other words, you need to read the book and reflect upon it before you can take informed action. This assignment felt like we were doing just that, and the humanities perspective added a whole new wrinkle. 

  3. The Journal entry during our last IBL (773)… I feel partly responsible for this assignment which was piloted during an adapted class due to inclement weather. In my weekly correspondence with Sue about IBL, I voiced concerns about “losing sight of occupation,” and “not feeling connected to the individuals in the case.” I conveyed that “I need to be able to use my creativity to be motivated, I need to be inspired to become engaged, and I need to apply my skills/knowledge for the content to resonate.” When class was canceled because of an ice storm Sue created an ingenious assignment in which we wrote a journal entry summary of the case from the perspective of one of the individuals involved. This practice in perspective taking and reflection made the clients come alive in an entirely new way. It was a resounding success, evidenced by the powerful introspective entries created by many of my classmates.

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      Part 2: Fieldwork

     On the surface, my fieldwork was largely marred by negative experiences in which I learned what not to do. But if you look deep enough you can find value in each experience. I am a skeptic, even at an early age I have always questioned everything. This persistent predisposition for not accepting things at face value was both my largest fault and my saving grace in fieldwork. Perhaps pathological demand avoidance (PDA) has played a role as well, but let's not complicate things. My skeptics mindset enabled me to come away with a full appreciation for the complex nature of the powerful systems which govern and (at times) oppress individuals. Marginalized individuals like those with disabilities are especially susceptible to these structures and policies which perpetuate injustice and inequity. I must understand these systems to effectively navigate them and effect positive change. My time in the schools and at DPI gave me this multilevel understanding of school based practice. 

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      But perhaps my biggest takeaway from fieldwork was the discovery that the field of OT is political and hierarchical just like any other. The vastness of occupation is its great strength and its biggest weakness. The broad scope of practice has led to the creation of a broken, confused profession, highlighted by a clumsy attempt at standardization via alignment with the medical model. The highly politicized nature of the field is not surprising, since occupation is inherently political. But, the deficit based lens impressed upon most practitioners undermines the effectiveness of OTs, and limits the field's potential. Despite an open mind, my learning in most FW placements was arduous and limited, and I was penalized for questioning things. My honesty was reciprocated with consequences, my proclivity to speak my mind was subdued, and learning was strenuous. But these negative experiences have only hardened my resolve, which is a lesson of immeasurable value. I learned where I did not want to work, and I accumulated greater knowledge about the systems I will be opposing… for that I am grateful. 

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     I did however find 2 fieldwork experiences to be valuable. My time at Club Nova with Monica, and my time with Sarah Selvaggi Hernandez (this summer) have offered exceptional educational value. At Club Nova my understanding of disability was broadened. My lived experience, my area of interests, and my undergraduate background in psychology blended together in the moment as I interacted with individuals with mental illness. The interpersonal connections I made were genuine as I quickly realized, these are my people. For that week of fieldwork I did not feel like I was going to a job everyday, I felt that my work was meaningful, occupational, and completely natural. Club Nova represented a formalized exposure to community based practice, which is where I envision my path headed. Meanwhile, my fieldwork with Sarah (thus far) has been equally advantageous and clearly aligns with my future career goals. For the first time in my grad school (fieldwork) experience, I feel like I am being challenged on a regular basis. I am spending each day learning about sensory processing (we are making our own survey), autism, neurodiversity, and my future as an autistic OT practitioner. My mental faculties are becoming exhausted in the best way possible, a productive way. Each day I have the flexibility to learn more about the consultative and community based side of OT practice, through assisting Sarah, and pursuing individual career oriented projects. 

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      Part 3: Other professional development

     The most fertile soil for my development these last few years has been located outside the parameters of the program. In the classroom I learned the terminology and evidence based practices to inform the work I was already doing in the community. My experiences with B3 coffee, the LEND program, support/coaching work, etc. represent the most formative experiences in my growth. 

While I will always have much more to learn, my largest area of growth has directly correlated with becoming a part of the local disability community. In this work, I have applied the principles of self-determination and client centeredness to create occupationally embedded learning opportunities. I love the flexible nature of OT. I savor having the freedom to do things in a way of my choosing, a way which I can adapt to the situation, client, or occupation. My enthusiasm for nature, working with my hands, and cooking represent 3 areas of future focus as an OT practitioner. During my time with HEELS 2 Transition, I have co-developed curriculum, led coaching teams, and worked alongside participants as a class instructor and coach. These experiences have been influential learning opportunities in which I have honed the tools I will need to create programs of my own. I strongly believe in the power of “doing” as an essential piece to both learning (in general) and the enactment of occupational therapy. 

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     As a LEND trainee I gained a greater appreciation for the interdisciplinary and interpersonal nature of therapeutic work. The parent perspective has always intrigued me, and LEND provided the optimal environment for me to learn from and alongside parents of individuals with disabilities. In my role as a self advocate trainee, I learned about the influence my voice can carry, and how to clearly articulate my message in a constructive manner. As a LEND educational coach, I collaborated with and supported the other LEND self-advocate trainee, fostering his growth as an advocate. Allen has become a friend, a B3 team member, and a colleague with whom I regularly collaborate due to his excellence as a self advocate speaker. 

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     Most importantly in my journey these last few years is the realization that I have found my people. As a late diagnosed autistic, I am just beginning to familiarize myself with my role as a member of the disability community. I am discovering new ideas, exploring unexpected connections, and forging relationships with people who accept and support me.  In my work with clients, I view myself as a guide or collaborator rather than solely a teacher. I see their strengths because I recognize my own, I leverage their interests because that is how I prefer to operate, and I give space for/encourage their authenticity because I know what it is like to feel pressure to deny my truth (in an effort to belong). This type of honesty and vulnerability has a nourishing quality which inspires my soul and awakens my mind. It is difficult to articulate exactly how it feels to spend time with people who embody this nature… It can be physically/mentally draining yet energizing at the same time. It is both comfortable and challenging. Like I said, it's hard to describe; but one thing is for sure, they bring me joy.

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     I have collected so much knowledge already, and I am excited to spend a life learning from and with the unique and wonderful people in my new community. One of the greatest things I have learned so far is that my future/career is not about me, and it never has been. It has always been about the collective ‘us’, as we support one another and create meaning together. Rather than a life highlighted by personal success or reputation, my desire is to pursue a path measured by the impact I have had with others. Whether it be contributing to the pages in the life stories of the individuals I work alongside, or macro level change as we fight for justice, visibility, and a more inclusive world; we will do it together.

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